I siirred up so much shit

Deadpool asked if Jayne was a girl's name. I had to say yes. Then Deadpool asked Jayne on a date.

Character: Mal Reynolds, River Tam
Fandom: Firefly, Serenity
Word count: 321
Rating: G
Notes: After the big damn movie
Prompt for scifi_muses
what I've felt
what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown…. The Unforgiven

It still felt wrong. Didn’t know how long it’d be before sitting down in the pilot’s seat didn’t feel off. Even with the new chair, it was like I was a trespasser. Hoped that someday I’d stop feeling like that since Serenity was my boat. But this was a bad day, finding one of Wash’s ugly ass old shirts wedged into the back of a drawer had brought our loss home again.

Didn’t know what to do with the shirt either. Did I give it to Zoe, so she could have that wound ripped back open? Did I just toss it out in the trash and shit all over his memory.

“Mal?” River came up behind me. For a change I didn’t jump. Most of the time I did. “It’s too bright.”

“That it is.” I’d shoved the shirt back where I found it. But she knew about it. She knew about everything. “Don’t know what to do about it.”

She crouched right in front of where I’d hidden it. Her long pale fingers smoothing over the drawer, but she didn’t pull it out. “It has blood on it.”

“Whole bridge is soaked in blood, little one. Ain’t nothing goin’ to fix that neither. No matter how good we make the girl look. She’s still got blood all over her.”

“Don’t let it stain.” She pressed her fingers over my heart. “It’s not your fault, Mal. You need to forgive yourself.”

“Don’t know if I’ll be able to do that, darlin’. Broke Zoe’s heart.”

“Zoe’s strong. Strongest of them all. She’ll be okay. I am.”

“You always make me nervous when you talk normal.”

She cocked her head to the side, giving me a lopsided smile. “Be crazier for you later. Now it’s time for dinner. Simon cooked.”

“Oh god,” I let out a snort. “We’re all goin’ to die for sure now. Course could be worse. Could be Jayne’s stew.”

They shouldn't have killed Nandy. That's all I'm sayin'. There's goin' to be some AU stories 'bout her soon.

The folks at Strangely Literal have asked to read one of my Mal ficlets for their podcast. That is so fucking cool.

sl_podcast on January 30th, 2009 08:48 pm (local)
I loveeee this! It's so rare to see a fanfic in first person and it works so well here. Can we read this on the podcast Strangely Literal (it's a podcast where we read fanfic - with full credit and a link back to the author). :)

Character: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: PG
Word Count: 400
Prompt: So is this an audience or a mosaic? .... Hades Week 16 for scifi_muses,
Fic Challenge: 3/7 for catalyst2
Setting: After the Big Damned Movie

The cuffs were digging into my wrists. I’d stopped struggling. I knew I couldn’t break the damned things, and I’d never been good at slipping out of them. Only person I knew who could do that was River, and that girl has bones that just don’t bend like normal folks. The guard to the right of me, yanked on my elbow. I hit the ground hard, my knee getting ripped open by a chunk of jagged rock. With my hands bound behind me, I had no way to break the fall, and my face hit the ground next. I could feel the blood soaking into my pants while I hissed through my teeth.

“Gorram son of a whore.” It slipped out before I could stop it, and the other guard’s foot came down in the middle of my shoulder blades. The ribs that had only just healed threated to brake again as he put his weight on me.

“If you try to escape again, Reynolds, I will shoot you.”

“I weren’t tryin’ to escape. I tripped.” They watched me, smiling from ear to ear, as I struggled to get back on my feet. “When I try to escape, you’ll know it.” Because you’ll be dead on my way out the door.

They each grabbed an arm when I didn’t get up fast enough and had me walking before my boots were firm beneath me. Felt like a little kid being walked tween my parents. I kept my eyes on the ground this time, making sure I didn’t trip on anything else. I’d given up finding an opportunity to get away, and I knew that sooner or later that Zoe would come for me. Sooner would be better though.

Sooner would be a lot better.

It didn’t matter which border moon you were on, every magistrate’s office looked the same. I was dragged down the middle to stand before the big man himself, and I waited patiently while they read me the charges.

“Do you understand?” the man with the heavy white wig asked.

“Yes, I understand. Know most of those by heart actually.” I turned to look at the crowd who’d come for the show. They all looked bored as hell. Guess catching a desperado like me wasn’t as interesting as I’d have thought. I was going to have to work on my reputation. “So is this an audience or a mosaic?”

Character: Malcolm Reynolds and Jack Harkness
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity and Torchwood
Shared fic by cptmalreynolds and eatsalienmeat
Rating: PG
Word Count: 613
Prompt: House of the Rising Son Vol1.week13 for scifi_muses, #55 Sight for joss100 63/100
Setting: After the Big Damned Movie

Part One - by eatsalienmeat

Part Two - by cptmalreynolds

As usual I had to get fancified for Inara’s little game of cards. Anytime that woman got me involved in anything I had to put on my good suit and get out the stiff assed shiny boots. She kept dragging me into many more of the shindigs and I was going to be breaking the damned things in at last. But for now they felt like they had my toes in a vice. I twitched and wiggled them until they felt right, or as right as they could me, while I pulled on my dark brown coat. Weren’t a political statement, I just look good in brown.

“You look nice,” Inara said with one of her sly little grins as I walked on into the cargo bay. She was dressed in a simple sheath of purple silk that covered her from neck to toe, but still showed off enough of her curves to make me swallow. “You shouldn’t have any trouble getting into the game at all.”

“You sure the ante money ain’t enough?” I patted my breast pocket where I had the stack of Alliance credits that we’d finagled to get me into the game. It was a goodly chunk of cashy money, and would have kept us in the Black for a month or more, but there was supposed to a true pot of gold to be won.

“Not the way you play cards, Mal.” The sly little grin turned into a smirk.

“Well then it’s a good thing, I’m not expected to win, ain’t it.” Tugging on a pair of gloves, I started walking on down the ramp. “Don’t y’all screw this up. This plan don’t work, and we’re goin’ to be dead in space.”

“We know what to do, sir,” Zoe assured me. “We’ll get the job done, just like we always do.”

“Countin’ on it Zoe girl.” I nodded up at my crew, my friends, my family, and headed off into the fancy floating city. I knew I could trust them. Even Jayne might have learned to stop trying to fuck us over, but I weren’t holding my breath on that one.

The game was in a real nice hotel, tucked behind their restaurant. As I walked through, I kept track of the doors leading in and out, counting the muscle and who had weapons and who didn’t. I’d have been casing the place even if I wasn’t planning on robbing it. Each member of the crew had been through the place at least once. This was my third trip, but this time I was dressed so that I would be noticed.

I was lead into a door off of the ballroom, and the sanitized air of the main floor was replaced with the stink of cigars and other smokables.

“Your gun, sir.” A scrawny bald man held a tray up to me.

“Be careful with her now,” I drawled. “I’ll be wantin’ that back.” I unstrapped the decoy pistol from my thigh, and set it carefully on top. I dropped into the only empty seat left at the table across from a guy with short dark hair and a big assed smile. He’d been watching me since I came into the room, and not in a way I much cared for. Been looked at like that before, so I knew how to be nice. Besides, if he thought I was pretty maybe I’d win a few hands before the shit hit the fan.

“Captain Jack Harkness,” he said, leaning across the table to shake my hand.

“Captain Malcolm Reynolds.” I took his hand, gave it a friendly shake. “So let’s get this game goin’. Sorry I’m late.”

Character: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: PG
Word Count: 504
Prompt: Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5 for scifi_muses, #19 Isolation for joss100 62/100
Setting: Before the Big Damned Movie - Inara's leaving day

Harder to Breathe

Almonds and honey. That was the smell that permeated the soft scarlet sheets that were twined around our bodies. I didn’t dare open my eyes. If I did, I’d have to admit what had happened and face the consequences. The longer I pretended to sleep, the longer I could leave Inara’s legs tangled with mine, and her ebony hair wrapped around my fingers. Listening to her breathing, I waited for her to do something. Pushing me out of her bunk wouldn’t have been out of the question considering how we usually got on.

“I know you’re awake, Mal.’ Her hand slid down my back, cupping my ass. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. My breath caught as her fingers traveled back up my spine. “You stopped snoring.”

“So did you.” It was a lie. She didn’t snore. I conjured Companions had that trained out of them or got it doctored away. “Amazin’ I got any sleep at all.”

“So we’re back at it already?” Inara sat up in one smooth motion. My skin was suddenly cold where she had been laying against me. She didn’t bother to wrap the sheets around her lush body as she climbed out of the bed, giving me a very nice view as she stalked away. “Wuh de tyen, ah. Can’t you be a human being for a single day?”

“Skin’s a little thin there darlin’. You ashamed of spendin’ the night with me? Maybe you shouldn’t have had so much to drink?” I threw back the covers too. Weren’t no reason for me to worry about being naked in front of her, not anymore now that we’d done it. “I ain’t completely stupid, no matter what you might think. I know damned well only reason we’re here is we both got drunk.”

Her hand hit me, and it wasn’t a slap either. She hit me with her fist.

My fingers curled. I wanted to hit her back. More than that I wanted to grab her by the hair and kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. Instead I grabbed my clothes and walked out of her shuttle. “I’ll have Jayne help you get the rest of your things into the cargo hold. We’ll be at your stop in a couple of hours. Been a pleasure Miss Sera.”

I stomped onto the bridge after a long cold shower. I could see the lush green world that Inara was setting up shop on floating like one of her baubles. Wash looked up from the pilot’s seat and opened his mouth to say something. “Don’t. Don’t wanna hear it.”

“Mal.” My pilot’s lips thinned as he thought about what he could or should say. “Why don’t you handle the landing? I’ll help Jayne out with her things.”

“I’d appreciate it.” I sank down into the pilot’s seat and slowly worked my way through the landing sequence. If I concentrated enough I might not hear Inara’s voice drifting through Serenity. And I’m sure the others would appreciate it if I didn’t crash her.

Character: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: PG
Word Count: 645
Prompt: Fortunate Son by Creedance Clearwater Revival for scifi_muses, #21 House for joss100 61/100
Setting: Before the series, Mal's about 15 in this one.

Fortunate Son

Sweat trickled down my back, sending a shudder up my spine, but it was too hot for anyone to be shivering. Three horses ahead of me, I could see my grandfather’s shoulders. He was sitting ram rod straight, his knuckles white on the reins. I knew he didn’t want to be here, but it was his job. Or his duty as he’d call it.

Taking a drink from my canteen, I steadied my mare as she shifted beneath me. She didn’t like holding still. Hell neither did I.

“I hate this,” my Granddad said as he tapped his horse back into motion, taking us through the gates of the Miller Ranch. It was quiet as a grave, only sound was the hot wind shifting through the boards dried scrub in their fallow fields. “You boys keep back. Don’t want no trouble, less they start somethin’.”

“Think they will granddad?” I asked as I tucked my canteen back in my saddle bag. “I know if it was us, we’d be fightin’ back tooth and nail.”

“Know that Malcolm.” He dropped off his horse, making sure that his badge was visible on the lapel of his dark blue coat. Tilting his hat back, he ambled on up the steps to the ranch house. “Miller, it’s Sheriff Reynolds. It’s time for y’all to come on out now. No bother nor fuss.”

“We ain’t comin’ out Mal.” Came a quiet voice from inside the house. “This is our place, and we ain’t leavin’ it.”

“Miller, I know y’all have had a rough time of it this season. We all have, but if you make this nasty, I am goin’ to have to toss you all in jail. I don’t want to do that.” Granddad glanced over his shoulder at his deputies and me. “My boys don’t want that either. But you defaulted on your loans son. We don’t have any choice. Not anymore. But if you come along peacefully, I still might be able to help you out with the Magistrate.”

“You goin’ to pay my debts for me Mal Reynolds?” Miller said with a bitter laugh. “Then you can be my new landlord too. Wouldn’t be the first time you Reynolds stole someone’s hard earned property.”

“We ain’t stole no one’s property!” I shouted back.

“Malcolm!” Granddad snapped at me, one finger up to caution me to keep my mouth shut. “I am not a thief Miller, and you know that. Just luckier than some, and willing to help you out if you needed it. I did offer, which you might remember you were too ornery and drunk to accept my help. Can’t give you any money now, but my word still might help now come on out and we’ll see what the Magistrate says.”

I saw the bright red dot on the side of my granddad’s head. Drawing my gun as fast as I could, I aimed towards the hay loft where the bead had to be coming from. Didn’t want to shoot first. I knew that all hell would break loose, but I wasn’t going to let one of these jackasses kill my grandfather.

“Tell him to drop the rifle, Miller,” I said, taking aim at the shadow in the loft. “Don’t make this uglier please. Just listen to my granddad.”

“And you listen to my grandson, Miller. You know what a good shot my namesake is.” I didn’t need to see his face to know he was smiling proudly about me.

The yellowed eviction notice flapped in the breeze as the door popped open a few inches. Miller shaded his sun bleached face with his hand. “Luke do what they say. We’re goin’ to trust Sheriff Reynolds to help us out. He is the fortunate son of Shadow after all. We’ll see what he can do ‘bout helpin’ us little people out of a bind.”

Character: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1887
Setting: Before the series, after the POW camp.

( Complete fic - Someone's Knocking at the Door )
Comments to my LJ please

Character: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: PG
Word Count: 652
Prompt: Shuffle Your Feet scifi_muses, Gift #92 for joss100 60/100
Setting: Before the series, after the POW camp.
Continued from 1, 2, 3
4

Who Knows If I’ll See You Again – Mal and Zoë Part Five

The edge of the bed creeked as I leaned forward while the camp doctor checked my lungs for fungus and whatever other critters might be living in there after my six months in Purgatory. The Alliance didn’t like it when we called it Hell. They preferred it if we were grateful for their treatment. It had gone up considerable since I’d first been dragged into the camp after Hera, after Serenity, but that wasn’t ‘cause they wanted to treat us better. It was because some reporter had done a big damn exposé about how the Purple Bellies were starving the poor Browncoats in their prisons.

My pants where hanging so low on my hips that I conjured they’d be round my ankles faster than an Eavesdown whore if I didn’t step carefully. Not that stepping carefully’s ever exactly been my way. The bruises on my ribs and the cut along my cheek showed just how much common sense I had stuffed into my brain pan.

“You’re a mess, Reynolds,” the doc said as he rammed a needle into my neck. I hissed as he injected me with the antibiotics and what not. “Do you think you could go a week without being sent in here?”

“Well, ain’t sure that’s possible. Don’t you like my company?” I asked with a smirk, reaching up to rub my neck while he tried to tape a bandage over the spot. No dermal menders for low lifes like me and mine. “I took a bath. Well I tried to take a bath, but the water wasn’t exactly clean.”

“I am sorry about that,” the man lowered his eyes. The Doc was one of the good ones, but then most healers are. It’s their way and all. “But please try to keep out of trouble.”

“Ain’t goin’ to be your problem no more, Doc,” I said as I slid from the bed, gripping my pants to keep them up. “They’re lettin’ me go this afternoon.”

“That’s great news, Mal. You’ve been here too long. Are you going home?”

“I ain’t got a home to go to, Doc. Didn’t you know? I’m from Shadow.”

***
“You ready to go yet, sir?” Zoë asked from where she was leaning against the doorway. The sun was rising behind her, casting her in shadows. “Shouldn’t you be first in line to get out of here?”

“I’ll leave that to the ones that got someplace to go,” I said as I tugged on the new jacket the Alliance had given me. Tucked into the pocket was the credit chip that held my dispensation for the loss of my homestead on Shadow. It wasn’t a lot of money. It would never be enough to pay for what they’d taken from me, but I wasn’t fool enough to toss it back in their faces. Pride is one thing. Being gorram stupid is another.

“You could still come with me, Mal.”

“You got your folks to go home to. I don’t want to be in the way of that.” I hefted my pack over my shoulder. It too had been supplied by the Alliance to get me out of their hair and onto my new life. I glanced down at the ticket to Haven. It was a mining colony. The Alliance bastards wanted me to crawl from one hole down into another, but there was no way in Hell I was going where they were sending me. “I got me some ideas ‘bout where I’m goin’ to go.”

“You know when you get ideas like that, it scares me.”

“I know, but time won’t save my soul.” I stepped up besides her as we headed for the main gate and freedom. “But it’s what I’ve got to do. You go back to your family, and I’ll find a way. When I can, I’ll come find you. Don’t know when I’ll see you again, but I will.”

Character: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: PG
Word Count: 563
Prompt: Hero of the Day scifi_muses, Alcohol #25 for joss100 59/100
Setting: Before the series, during the war. Continued from HERE

Mama they try and break me

A curtain of red fell over my eyes. Don’t remember what I did next. Don’t remember anything until I woke up in an alley covered in garbage, stinking of piss and with my knuckles cracked and stained with blood. I wasn’t angry anymore. I was just drained.

They’d destroyed Shadow. My mother was gone. The ranch I’d grown up on was gone. My girl was gone, and they’d killed my son too. Nothing would make Shadow livable again; none of the miraculous terra-forming machines could make a dent in that abyss of death. I limped back to my barracks. It was late. A pair of guards stood at their posts, their rifles at the ready.

One of them nodded at me. His eyes were rimmed red and bloodshot. “Mal,” he said, as he let down the force field. “Guess you saw the news.”

“That obvious, huh?” I was tired. Felt like my soul had been torn away.

“They’re havin’ all of us from Shadow in for counselin’ in the mornin’.”

“Well hope they don’t mind me pukin’ on their social worker.” I ambled on past. My head was pounding, and I needed another drink more than I needed air to breathe. “’Cause I ain’t goin’ to be in any shape to listen to no bullshit.”

###

“Dad?” Little fingers patted at my cheek to wake me up. The sun was so bright that I had to close my eyes right up. My son poked at me again, and then climbed up onto the bed between me and Emma. “Dad. You have to get up. You gotta take me ridin’ today. You promised.”

“I know. I know.” I rolled over. I could see Emma’s eyes flicker while she held in a laugh. “I know you ain’t asleep. Come on, you can come with us.”

“Oh no,” she laughed. “You’re the hero of the day. I’m just his mother. You two go be manly men. I’ve got work to do of my own. My ship’s still got a powerful need for some repairs, so I can get back into the Black.”

“Well,” I said, climbing out of the bed, dumping Ethan onto his mother along the way. “If y’all would get somethin’ to fly other than that piece of gos se Firefly…”

“Dad!” Ethan pointed out the window. “What’s wrong with the sun?” A brilliant wave of light roared towards us. I dashed to look outside as the world was incinerated in a churning storm of destruction around us.

###

“Reynolds!” A solid boot to my bunk broke me from my dream. “Get your lazy ass out of bed. You’ve got work to do. You hear me mister?”

“Yes sir,” I said, blinking while I tried to get my bearings. “I was just dreamin’.”

“We’re cutting you slack because of what happened to Shadow, Malcolm.” The officer said as he folded his arms across his chest. “But we’ve still got work to do if we want to win this war. We need to make sure nothing like Shadow ever happens again. So get cleaned up, get your gear and get ready. Unless you want to quit?”

“No.” I swallowed hard. The taste of my own tongue almost making me gag. Too much whiskey and not enough tooth brushing. “I ain’t ready to give up. I got people need me to fight for ‘em now more than ever.”

Character: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: PG
Word Count: 808
Prompt: Spare Parts and Pirates for scifi_muses, Blocked #96 for joss100 58/100
Setting: After the big damned movie

Dead Men Tell No Tales....

She shuddered. Hard, knocking me clean out of the pilot’s seat. My coffee hit the deck besides me, splashing me from head to toe. Before I could swear, we were hit again. Getting up on my knees, I grabbed the control panel and drew myself back up. The scanners that should have told me something, anything were dark, completely dark.

“Mal!” Jayne stomped onto the bridge. “Did you gorram hit something?”

“No,” I glared out into the Black. “But somethin’ hit us, twice. Scanner’s dead too. Wave’s jammed. We’re humped.”

“Reavers?” His knuckles grew as white as his eyes as he gripped Vera. “Not again, Mal.”

“Ain’t Reavers,” I said as I switched on the autopilot. “It’s pirates. Someone’s tryin’ to rob us of our ill gotten booty.”

‘Well, that ain’t exactly fair is it?” Jayne followed after me as I raced towards the cargo bay. The scream of metal on metal and another jolt sent me sliding across the galley deck. “I mean we go to all the trouble to steal something, and now they think they can steal it from us.”

“Jayne,” I stared at him in disbelief. “Have you ever in the years you’ve been on this ship just once experienced fair?”

“Can’t say that I have no.” He hunkered down, taking his position as sniper as I kept going down the steps to the airlock. “Be a nice change though.”

“Wouldn’t it though,” I mused. I dropped onto the lower deck from half way down the ladder. Zoë was already armed and waiting for me. “You ready to fight for what’s ours, Zoë girl?”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, sir.”

“I would,” Jayne shouted down to us.

“Where’s River?” I asked, wishing that just once I didn’t have to wonder where our secret weapon was. “She’s got to know something’s wrong.”

“She knows.” The slender girl slipped from between a crate of spare parts. She was dressed in a pretty dress that Inara had given her for her birthday. I could still smell a hint of Inara’s perfume on it. “Just not here yet.”

“Goin’ to let them in, conjure we’ll have less damage to Serenity that way.” I glanced through the airlock and watched as the light of their ship flooded it. My fingers wrapped round my gun. “We can take care of them once they board us. You all ready?”

“I’m Captain Malcolm Reynolds, and I don’t believe y’all were invited on my boat.” I stepped forward as the airlock cycled, keeping my pistol at my side. River stood on one side of me, looking as dangerous as a spring lamb, while Zoë flanked the other. Zoë looked as dangerous as they come, but she still didn’t look as scary as the woman who strode onto my boat.

“Bella Black,” she said with a smirk. Her weapon was at the ready, and the look in her eyes was nigh on as crazy as a Reaver. This woman had seen too much, and it had torn up her soul. Knew what that was like. Too bad she was turning her foul mood on me and mine. “And if you turn over your cargo, we’ll be on our way.”

“As you can see.” I fanned my hands out. “We don’t exactly have a cargo.”

“I’m not stupid, Reynolds. And I’ve heard that you might not be either. You know gorram well that I’m not asking about any cargo you’d have out in the open. Now get me the crates you took off the Argo, and I won’t have my ship tear off your airlock on my way out.”

“No, not stupid. Just not in the mood to hand over somethin’ we worked hard to get. Now if y’all want to make a deal, offer us some good cashy money…” River and Zoë moved to the side as I stepped forward. Above me I knew that Jayne was deciding which of her eyes to take out. “I might not have to return you and yours to your boat in body bags.”

River moved quick as the water she was named for. Before Zoë could cock her shotgun, River had three of Bella’s men in a bruised, battered heap on the deck. Zoë’s elbow took out another while she twisted another’s arm back hard enough to pop it out of the socket.

Bella held her gun on me, and I kept my arms folded across my chest. “I can shoot you before they stop me.”

“That might be true, but my sharp shooter’s had a bead on you since you came on board.” I glanced at the man with one good arm and the other at Zoë’s feet. “Now get your men, and get off my boat before we kill your captain. I don’t like pirates. Y’all give bein’ a thief a bad, bad name.”

Come play with us....



1 - scifi_muses - started about 6 weeks ago, but very active.
2 - SCIFI Fantasy only - TV, movies, books, horror, comics, original muses and anime characters allowed.
3 - Three people may claim the same Muse - no being denied because someone else has already claimed who you want to write for.
4 - weekly prompts - words, themes, music and picture prompts - to see a sample - scifi_prompt
5 - Taken Muses - all muses available at this time

If you are interested, please send an email to scifimuses at gmail dot com.

Thanks!

Character: Malcolm Reynolds
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: R
Word Count: 365
Prompt: Invincible for scifi_muses, Newspaper #84 for joss100 57/100
Setting: the aftermath of Shadow's destruction

Armageddon
Bascomb bumped into me, sloshing my whiskey down the front of my uniform. Didn’t matter though, ‘cause I was already three sheets to the wind drunk and covered in all manner of things. It was a party after all. We’d won. The Browncoats had dealt the Alliance a mighty blow, and we were throwing caution out the airlock to have a gorram good time.

If you’re drunk enough you don’t think about all the people that died on both sides of the war. Makes it easier on a fella’s conscience and all that. I’d shot so many that I’d lost track. Souls that would have been weighing on mine if I was sober enough to remember. Drunk was better, so much better.

It was loud as hell in the bar. Nearly louder than the bombs that had gone off around us. Or it could have just been my ears. They were still ringing a mite from the noise. A pretty girl with pink hair was slithering over my lap. She wasn’t wearing enough to care that I was covered in booze.

“You’ve got a lap dance coming,” she purred as she tugged on my earlobe with her teeth.

“I do.” Hoped she didn’t want me to pay for it, since I’d spent the last of my pay on sending my mama a birthday present back home.

“You do. She paid for it.” I followed the girl’s gaze to see Zoe toasting me with a mug of beer.

“Well then, let’s get to dancin’ darlin’.” She was soft and warm and smelled like sugar. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her swaying, very ample bosoms. I wasn’t quite sure when I noticed the silence around me. The music had stopped. The girl had stopped dancing and not a single person in the bar made a noise. Then the sobbing started.

“Mal.” Zoe grabbed my shoulder, drawing my attention to the cortex screen over the bar. I watched as the Alliance sent wave after wave of battleships to bombing some poor planet. I’d never seen destruction like it. Flames scoured the earth turning it into a wasteland. “It’s Shadow, Mal. The Alliance just destroyed your world.”

Character: Malcolm Reynolds - with appearances by Inara, Jayne and Simon
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: G
Word Count: 467
Prompt: Sharp Dressed Man for scifi_muses, Touch #56 for joss100 56/100
Setting: Sometime after the Big Damned Movie

Sharp Dressed Man

“There was a reason Badger picked you for the part on Persephone, Mal.” Inara reached around me to run her long fingers through my hair. “You do clean up nice.”

The smell of her perfume lingered with every brush of her body against mine. None of those touches was enough. They were all fleeting, and not a one meant to do what they were doing to me right now. Not that I could ever let her know she was effecting me and such.

“Aint as if I walk ‘round like a pig on a daily basis darlin’.” I checked my reflection in the mirror of her shuttle. The suit, the only one I owned was clean and pressed. Looked better than it did when it was new thanks to the Companion’s administration and care. My boots were shiny too. I looked like a man with money.

“Hold still.” She pushed a stick pin through my burgundy tie and stepped back to admire her work. “Perfect.”

“I do know how to get spiffed up on my own.”

“This is an important job, Mal.” She tilted her face up at me, hands on her hips. “You need to look like a…”

“A whore?” I adjusted the tie around my neck. “I know. An’ you taught me how to play the game. Not to say y’all are a whore.”

“I know,” she kissed my chin. “Not anymore anyway. But this is a negotiation that I can’t take care of. She doesn’t like women.”

“Wouldn’t want you doin’ it anyway. You gave up that life.” Which sadly explained the desperate straights Serenity was in this time. I had to dress up like a dandy to seduce some pirate queen now I didn’t even have Inara’s rent to shore us up during the lean times. “Not havin’ you go back to it now.”

###

“Don’t know why you’re the one doin’ this Mal. Ain’t like I got a problem with the ladies,” Jayne grumbled as he watched me walk toward the airlock to the Blackbird. “I know how to clean up too.”

“Brushing the food out of your beard once a day doesn’t mean you know how to clean up Jayne,” Simon said with his arms wrapped round Kaylee’s waist. “It also requires being able to walk without dragging your knuckles on the ground.”

I left them to their one sided battle of wits. I could feel Inara’s dark eyes on me as I punched my ID code into the lock. Turning I opened my mouth to give my standard if I’m not back come get me speech, but the words dried on my tongue as I looked up at her.

“I’m comin’ back. She don’t stand a chance against me once I put the charm on. Don’t y’all worry a bit.”

Character: Malcolm Reynolds - with appearances by River, Wash and Zoe
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: G (if he swore in English, it'd be higher)
Word Count: 425
Prompt: Porn for scifi_muses, Close #91 for joss100 55/100
Setting: Sometime before the Big Damned Movie

My Eyes!

It was cramped beneath the heavy plating of the galley floor. The air was stale, not being one of the places where it circulated well. It certainly wasn’t a place I expected to be trying to shove myself into, but as I heard the heavy armored boots of the Alliance patrol rummaging through Serenity I knew it was the best place I could be.

“We’re looking for Malcolm Reynolds.” I heard the cultured Core Planet accent of the officer in charge above me. “We were informed that he was working on this ship.”

Working. I stifled a snort. Not that it was their fault they didn’t know I owned Serenity. I never had changed the registration papers when I bought her. As far as the rutting Alliance knew I was part of her crew if they knew that much, and apparently this ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng did.

“He’s not here.” That was Zoë. I could see her standing there proud as a Queen daring them to look her in the eyes as she challenged them. Ain’t nobody that can win a staring contest with my girl Zoë. “Fired months ago. Captain caught him stealing.”

“Greedy bastard too.” That was Wash. Shit disturber. “He tried to get busy with my wife too. I wanted to space him, but the Captain just left him on St. Alban.”

Besides me, tucked into the space I used for smuggling River shifted against me. Knew I didn’t need to warn her to be quiet. She could read whatever I was thinking. What I was thinking wasn’t just be quiet it was for her to hold still, but she was shaking with laughter.

He ain’t that funny. I thought at River. Although it was pretty damned funny. Then she shoved something into my hand with a wicked gleam in her dark eyes. I drew the viewer to my eyes, careful not to crack her in the face with my elbow while the action continued over our heads.

"Run-tse duh fwotzoo..." River glared at me to be quiet while I stared in shock into the viewer. Image after image of big busted women cavorted on the vids. Each and everyone mouthing 'Do it to me Jayne' over and over again. Her hand clamped over my mouth to keep me from laughing out loud and giving our hiding place away.

“Guess we know who this porn belongs to,” I whispered into River’s hair. “Goin’ to have to have a talk with that man ‘bout keepin’ it in his cabin and his pants.”

Title: Someone's Knockin' at the Door
Author/Artist: cptmalreynolds
joss100 100 Breakfast 54/100
scifi_muses How can you let Bygones be Bygones with a rifle pointed at your head?
writers_muses 49.1.B. “Well, he wasn't exactly my friend."
Rating: PG 13
Word Count: 406
Setting: After the Battle of Serenity
Continued from 1, 2, 3

Part Four
“Well, he wasn't exactly my friend,” I said with a shrug as the Alliance goon pointed his rifle at my head. At my feet and spitting blood from between his broken teeth was Captain Melvin Turner who had made the mistake of thinking he could take his rage at the Alliance out on me. I frowned on that sort of thing, and decided sending my fist into his face was a much better way to spend my morning. It was certainly more entertaining than waiting for the plate of crap they fed us for breakfast.

“Hands behind your neck Reynolds,” the guard told me. His eyes were beady beneath his heavy eye brow. Yeah just one, that went over both his piggy little eyes. This one had let me have it before. Wished it was his nose I’d broken. Maybe someday I’d have the chance.

I folded my fingers behind my neck, while they checked me for weapons. Fortunately they didn’t look up under the collar of my soiled brown coat. They might have found the shiv I had stashed there if they had. Zoe and I had spent considerable effort to find ways to arm ourselves, and no matter what she thought I wasn’t stupid enough to draw it on another POW. When I used it, it would be on one of the Purple Bellies.

“Mind your manners there boys.” I cautioned when a gloved hand shoved its way between my legs. “Ain’t got nothin’ that y’all don’t already have one of your own. Least I’m conjurin’ y’all still got your own balls unless that’s against the Alliance laws too?”

When I landed several feet back, I was the one spitting out blood onto the muddy ground. Shoved my tongue around to make sure none of my teeth had been knocked loose, I waited for them to drag me back to my feet.

I caught Zoe’s dark eyes in the crowd of looky loo prisoners. They all thought I’d mouthed off because I’m tetched. But Zoe knew the real reason. If they were hitting me, they weren’t searching me. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that.

“Solitary sir?” The brute that dug his gun into my kidneys asked.

“No, put him on latrine duty. Digging in the shit’s the only place good enough for that one.”

“Mind if I get breakfast first?” I asked. This time I mouthed off just because I’m stupid like that.

Title: Someone's Knockin' at the Door
Author/Artist: cptmalreynolds
joss100 72 Flat 53/100
writers_muses 48.2. E."No one need think that the world can be ruled without blood. The civil sword shall and must be red and bloody. "- Martin Luther
Rating: PG 13
Word Count: 314
Setting: After the Battle of Serenity
Continued from 1, 2

Whimpering cries of the wounded echoed off the confining walls of the Alliance ship’s cargo bay. Racks of beds were stacked against the wall, each filled with one of the few survivors of the Battle of Serenity Valley. There weren’t all that many beds. The rest of us, the able of body if not mind were given thin bed rolls to spread on the cold metal plating.

“It is a mite better’n that cave,” I told Zoë who was staring into the distance. Her dark eyes seemed to be focusing on something only she could see. I hated to think that being taken prisoner had broken her spirit. If I lost Zoë, I’d be a goner. She was really all I had left. “Least the floor is flat.”

“They’re trying to decide what to do with us.” Her fingers were wrapped so tight that a few of the scratches there had started to seep with blood again. “Most of them want to open the bay doors and let the Black have us.”

“Might not be a bad thing that.” I leaned back onto my elbows. Every muscle in my body hurt, my legs especially from the forced march they’d driven us on to get us onboard. My lower back was a mess of bruises most of them fresh from the Purple Bellies using me as their punching bag for daring to lead these men and women in our losing battle for independence. “The Black’s the only place left where a man can be free now Zoë. Ain’t no place left where you can breathe air that’s not tainted by some rich man’s farts.”

Her shoulders shook as she snickered. “Sir, you keep talking like that, and they’re going to space you good and proper.”

“Don’t worry Zoë,” I assured her knowing damned well I was lying. “I know when to keep my mouth shut.”